i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
