you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
