Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
