Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
