It's like God shit irony all over that family
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
