forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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