The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
