I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
