Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
