Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
