puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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