So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
