i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
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