All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
