can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
