My nipple is on Facebook.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
