i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
