Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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