i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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