I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
