I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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