im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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