soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
i've created a new STD.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
