I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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