At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I just found a bag of teeth...
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
