last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
