i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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