totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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