I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
did you just send me my own nude
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize