ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
