weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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