I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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