She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
