Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
