im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
