If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
