It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
