he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
