I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
