OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
