none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
