Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize
