it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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