VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
