i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
you traded sex for a burrito?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
