I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
