Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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