Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
You took a bar mat shot.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
