i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
My dick has a subreddit
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize