When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
